Friday, December 30, 2011

New Year, New Blog

I'm not much of a blogger, but this is something I have aspired to do in the past year and has become a resolution for 2012.

This past year has been one of many changes, challenges, heartache and joy.  I've lost two uncles just this year and have been to more funerals than I care to list.  I've made some wonderful new friends and grieved with them at the loss of the daughter they had hoped to adopt.  Thom and I have hit some tremendous lows in our marriage but fought through it and have come out stronger.  And I started homeschooling my son, which has been an incredible challenge and a joy all at the same time.

A big part of my life has been sewing . . . creating, designing, turning a piece of fabric and some thread into something beautiful.  I jumped in feet first this year hoping to launch a new business.  Hoping to be able to contribute to our family.  Hoping to be successful.  Honestly, I have never felt like more of a failure in my life.  I sit back now wondering where to go in the coming year.  Do I have what it takes to continue?  Do I keep trying?  Or was I kidding myself all along.  Maybe I'm not talented enough, not creative enough, maybe it's just not God's will for me.  I NEED a creative outlet.  I NEED to feel like more than just a frumpy housewife with each day blending into the next one -- the same old thing day after day.  So . . .that's the question I need to sort out now.  I don't think giving up that easily is in my nature.  But I'm tired.

In this next year, I am hoping to find more joy in the little things of life.  I'm hoping to find a way to slow down a bit and just be.  I'm hoping to feel filled up enough to have the energy to give back to others.  I'm hoping to be a better friend and let people in a bit more.  I'm hoping to find ways of being healthier and more at peace with my ever aging body.  I'm hoping to see myself the way God sees me . . . I'm hoping to find purpose I guess.

I'm looking forward to all the possibilities for this next year.