Friday, December 30, 2011
I'm not much of a blogger, but this is something I have aspired to do in the past year and has become a resolution for 2012.
This past year has been one of many changes, challenges, heartache and joy. I've lost two uncles just this year and have been to more funerals than I care to list. I've made some wonderful new friends and grieved with them at the loss of the daughter they had hoped to adopt. Thom and I have hit some tremendous lows in our marriage but fought through it and have come out stronger. And I started homeschooling my son, which has been an incredible challenge and a joy all at the same time.
A big part of my life has been sewing . . . creating, designing, turning a piece of fabric and some thread into something beautiful. I jumped in feet first this year hoping to launch a new business. Hoping to be able to contribute to our family. Hoping to be successful. Honestly, I have never felt like more of a failure in my life. I sit back now wondering where to go in the coming year. Do I have what it takes to continue? Do I keep trying? Or was I kidding myself all along. Maybe I'm not talented enough, not creative enough, maybe it's just not God's will for me. I NEED a creative outlet. I NEED to feel like more than just a frumpy housewife with each day blending into the next one -- the same old thing day after day. So . . .that's the question I need to sort out now. I don't think giving up that easily is in my nature. But I'm tired.
In this next year, I am hoping to find more joy in the little things of life. I'm hoping to find a way to slow down a bit and just be. I'm hoping to feel filled up enough to have the energy to give back to others. I'm hoping to be a better friend and let people in a bit more. I'm hoping to find ways of being healthier and more at peace with my ever aging body. I'm hoping to see myself the way God sees me . . . I'm hoping to find purpose I guess.
I'm looking forward to all the possibilities for this next year.